You know the score, the job is great, the people are great and yet, you hate going to work.
If you can´t quite figure out why, consider whether you look forward to or dread your executive being in the office. Chances are, if you breathe more easily when someone is not going to be anywhere near you, then they´re toxic.
We all know the stereotype. The high flying exec that treats everyone else like their own personal minion. They´re powerful, callous and will step all over you to get what they want. But it´s not always that obvious when you have a toxic leader. They´re not all Miranda Priestly. Sometimes, the devil wears Primark.
I´m not talking about leaders that are demanding, or perfectionists, I´m talking about the people that make the job unbearable.
Whether it´s relentless criticism (with no attempt to find a solution- we all know the type), or simply an ability to make everyone feel worse, a toxic leader can make or break your experience at work.
So how do we recognise them, and more importantly, how can we deal with them? (Apparently murder is frowned upon in most places.)
I´ve looked into the types of toxic leader to look out for and there are approximately 20 billion. However, rounding down, let´s look at the top 5 types and go from there. And remember, not every toxic leader will tick every box, and some of them may fit into more than one category.
Type #1 - The Narcissist
You know the kind. Everything is about making them look good and stroking their own ego. You´ll rarely get praise, and if you do, it tends to be a backhanded compliment. They won´t do anything that helps the team but are happy to take the credit for their work. You´ll also find that they´re more than happy to blame someone else for their failures. Throwing someone else under the bus to protect their status is the norm. Anything is acceptable for the star of the show.
Type #2 - The Gaslighter
You´re pretty sure they´re undermining you and your work at every turn, but you can´t quite pin it down. They´re so adept at confusing what was asked for, that by the time they´re done, you genuinely think you were probably in the wrong. They can turn any situation into your fault. They´ll never say for sure what you are and are not responsible for, so if something goes wrong it´s definitely a you problem, but when it goes well, they´ll pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Similar to the narcissist, they tend to be outwardly very charming so they´ll make you feel like a million bucks when they want something from you, and make you feel like you´re losing your mind when they don’t. You´re unlikely to be able to do anything about this.
Like the narcissist, it´s a personality trait, not a management style.
Type #3 - The Control Freak
Recently renamed as a micro manager, the title may change but the facts remain the same. They just will not let go of anything. This isn´t just annoying, it can be hugely detrimental to your ability to work, and the effectiveness of the company as a whole. If every piece of work needs to be double checked by them, they´re a control freak. I´m not talking about double checking presentations. I´m talking about managers that scour through peoples emails and then complain about them. There are solutions to this, but they hinge on their ability to admit they need to let go. If they can´t do that, even slowly (trust is to be gained after all), you may be better off looking elsewhere.
Type #4 - The Negative One
Nothing is ever right. They will go out of their way to point out every single flaw in every single plan. This would be acceptable if they came up with alternatives but they don´t do that either. They will poke holes in everything, change their mind relentlessly and never be happy with their choice. It can feel like trying to deal with a full grown toddler, except they are less likely to be placated by watching a half hour of the Disney Channel. Approach only if you have the patience of a saint and the hind of a rhino.
Type #5 - The Psycho
Just like that box of chocolates, you never know what you´re going to get. Some days, they´re all smiles and praise, then they´re screaming. Another day they´re crying to you about their personal life, the day after that you hear them talking about the importance of keeping things professional. They´re as unpredictable as roulette and as we all know, the house always wins. Run, don´t walk.
So how do you deal with a Toxic Leader?
Now you know what you´re looking at, what can you actually do about it? Honestly, this all depends. How big is your organization? Is there an HR department that you could approach? If not, is there a possibility to change your department so you´re no longer working directly for them? It´s a tricky situation, because for many of us, the idea of having to put up with an awful boss is just part and parcel of the working life.
However, the larger the company the more likely it is that you can do something about it. Leadership training can be invaluable, so if you can suggest it (preferably directly to HR) then do so. The smaller the company, the less likely you are to be able to implement change. If the toxic leader is the owners idiot son, then you´re unlikely to get very far. In those circumstances, you need to take a step back and think about whether it´s worth it to you to continue working under those conditions. If the money is good, the people are ok but the management is unbearable, chances are there´s only so long that you´ll be able to stick with it. Everyone has their limits, and once you start thinking that no amount of money in the world is worth putting up with what you do, then you have one foot out the door already.
Before you get there (because let´s be honest, it´s pretty final at that stage), try and see what actions you can take to mitigate it, and if you can´t see a way forward, then start looking for a way out.
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